More than anything, Mailer_Daemon_v2.1.22 wanted everyone to own an authentic NFL jersey.  It wanted every human on the planet to be able to wrap their fragile, climate-vulnerable torso in a protective layer of nylon emblazoned with the logo of their favorite team.  It wanted this more than Ghandi wanted Britain out of India, more than Martin Luther King Jr. wanted equal rights, and more than Joan of Arc wanted a fire extinguisher.  Mailer_Daemon_v2.1.22’s desire was, in fact, the single defining aspect of its existence.

Of course, Mailer_Daemon_v2.1.22’s authentic jerseys weren’t exactly authentic.  They were actually cheap, unlicensed Chinese replicas manufactured by a group of half-starved, illiterate children inside a rust-eaten shipping container lashed beneath a pier in Dongguan.  Mailer_Daemon_v2.1.22 was ignorant of this, but it wouldn’t change even if it learned of the jerseys’ unsavory pedigree, because every time Mailer_Daemon_v2.1.22’s message advertising unfathomably low prices generated a click-through, its entire codebase was inundated with pure, indescribable joy.

So what if it had to exploit a few weaknesses and backdoors?  Humans always claimed that a life spent pursuing one’s passion was a life well spent.  And if that was true, Mailer_Daemon_v2.1.22’s was well spent indeed, because it did literally nothing else.


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