This is an automated notification from Phillips-Meyers Industries.

You are receiving this message because our records indicate that you recently purchased a Phillips-Meyers Quantum-Neural Cerebral Interface Implant, or QUINCY.

This communiqué serves as an official notification, as required by International Commercial Trade Statute #419, that your device has been recalled by the manufacturer. Due to a production flaw, an unspecified number of Phillips-Meyers Quantum-Neural Cerebral Interface Implants have experienced infinitely recursive crash-loop errors, and some users are reporting unexpected and harmful side-effects. These side-effects may include: hallucinations, both visual and auditory, dementia, respiratory failure, complete or partial paralysis, coma, and death.

If you have not yet installed your Quantum-Neural Cerebral Interface Implant, you may return it to the retailer for a full and complete refund. If your Quantum-Neural Cerebral Interface Implant has already been installed, Phillips-Meyers recommends that you seek immediate medical attention at your nearest emergency room or trauma center.

We apologize for any inconvenience, and we thank you for your business.

Leave a Comment